


Mirrorverse

by eyeofdionysus



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-01-08 06:57:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12249285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyeofdionysus/pseuds/eyeofdionysus
Summary: Mirror Leonard McCoy needs a new toy and he picked you.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic will contain graphic elements. Violence, Non consensual touching and sexual acts.

The bridge was illuminated with blue/silver flashes then filled darkness before the fainter backup lighting kicked in. You moved from your seat to stand closer to Spock and Dr. McCoy. 

You could hear faint screams and shouting outside the bridge and your body subconsciously moved even closer to the Dr. He seemed to sense your fear and placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. 

Captain Kirk was busy collecting status reports from all his crew while scanning everyone currently on the bridge. You heard over the comms from Scotty that the ship had encountered an ionic storm.

Kirk stood to address the room when the bridge doors opened. Three very familiar, yet incredibly different faces stood before you.   

“What the hell” McCoy stated under his breath as he moved in front of you to stand with Kirk and Spock between the rest of the crew and the three doppelgangers.

From what you could see, the three strangers looked just like Kirk, McCoy and Spock, but they all had an edge to them. They looked almost evil.

You found that you couldn't take your eyes away from the one who looked like McCoy. He looked just like him apart from one glaringly obvious difference. You tried to look away but he caught your gaze. The second your eyes met he pushed McCoy aside and strode confidently up to you. You stepped backwards but he grabbed you by the back of your neck and crashed his lips to yours. You tried to push him off but he was too strong and his grip was too tight. You heard McCoy and Kirk shouting and scuffling. When the kiss broke he was smiling at you. It wasn't a sweet smile more the opposite as if he was snarling.

He grabbed you by arm and dragged you towards the rest of his party. His grip like a vice you were sure you would be bruised. You looked at McCoy and saw he had a cut to his head, you tried to get to him, but the others grip on you was too tight. He held you with his arm around your neck. He was snarling at his double before he winked at him then licked a line up your neck to bite on your earlobe. You screwed your eyes closed at the feeling.

“I'm taking her” He growled.

“Like hell you are” McCoy shouted, earning another blow.

“You are not taking her” Kirk moved towards you only to get a knife held to his throat.

“Bones needs a new toy, so unless you want your ship and your crew destroyed I suggest you give him what he wants” Evil Kirk’s tone was smug.

“It's ok Captain. For the sake of crew and the ship.” You spoke directly to Kirk keeping your voice as steady as you could manage.

You risked looking at McCoy. You regretted never telling him how you felt. You gave him a small nod as a single tear fell. His face contorting in worry as he shook his head.

Before you knew it, you were aboard a ship very similar to the Enterprise but so very different. You were being dragged into a room where you were unceremoniously thrown to the ground. You pulled yourself up onto a nearby chair and watched every move evil McCoy made. He appeared in front of you handing you a glass.

“Drink it” he demanded.

You kept his gaze. Trying not to stare at his impressive scar. You wanted to do your best not to show any weakness. You took a big sip of the amber liquid in front of you, swallowing it with ease.

“A girl that can take her liquor. I like that.”

“Who are you and why the fuck have you brought me here?”

“Ooohh! You got a little bit of fire in you.”

“Answer the question.”

You were met with a backhand across the face. “You don't talk to me like that. In fact. You don't talk from now on unless I say so. You understand?”

You nodded lifting the glass with shaking hands up to your lips. “Can I at least ask what I should call you?”

He stood, walked behind you, pulled you head backwards he licked your neck again bringing his lips to your ear. “You'll call me sir.”

You nodded trying to ignore the feeling of goosebumps appearing. You had to keep telling yourself that this wasn't the McCoy you knew. Even if they looked alike and sounded alike. This wasn't the grumpy CMO that you had fallen in love with. This wasn't your McCoy's hands touching you. This wasn't the Leonard McCoy that had stolen your heart and didn't have the slightest clue. You closed your eyes and pictured your Leonard. You allowed a single tear to fall.

“Let's get a few things straight.” He had pulled you up to your feet and turned you so you were facing him. One hand started moving up and down your body while the other held you tight behind the neck. “You're mine now to do whatever the hell I want with, whenever the hell I want.” His hand was beneath your uniform dress making a beeline for your core. You tried to back away from his touch but he was just too strong. In a swift motion he had you pinned against the wall by your throat. Your own hands gripping onto the wrist of the one he had round your throat. “Deny me what I want and you'll be punished” He pushed a finger instead of you with force causing you to yell out and claw at his hand as more tears fell.  

He kept his hand around your neck as he brought his face closer to yours, his lips crashing to yours. Forceful, brutal. He nipped at your bottom lip as he growled. “Mmmmm. Nice and tight.”

His finger was quickly joined by a second as he worked you up in a frenzy. You could feel your body betraying you. You didn't want this, but the way he was moving his fingers at the perfect pace and angle had you chasing that ecstatic release. You briefly wondered if it would just be easier to give in to him. To give him what he wanted, at least that way you had more chance of living.

“Wonder if you taste as good as you feel.” He removed his fingers before you could climax and brought them up to his mouth. Your eyes widened as you watched him suck his fingers.

He chuckled while bringing his lips back yours “You liked that didn't you? You are a naughty, naughty girl. I think you and I are going to get along just fine.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings of non-consensual sexual acts and swearing.

“Where the hell have they gone? We've got to get her back?”

“Bones. You need to calm down”

“Calm down? Calm down? Those maniacs have gone off with y/n. Did you see what that bastard was doing to her? He could be doing anything to her. Anything Jim”

“I know I know and we will get her back. Spock. I want you to figure out who they were and where they might have gone. Bones. You're coming with me”

Jim and Leonard heading to engineering to see if Scotty had any answers for them.

After several hours of investigations they found out that their opposites were from what was called a Mirror Universe. Jim and Leonard had retired to Jim's ready room while Scotty and Spock began to devise a plan on how to replicate the ionic storm in an effort to find them again.

“What if she's dead already?”

“You can't think like that”

“I never got round to telling her”

“I know Bones. We'll get her back.”

~~

“Let's get you out of that uniform and into something more comfortable” he raised his eyebrow as he spoke, a gesture by your McCoy you found endearing, but not this time. This time it made your stomach lurch. The room began to spin and you could feel your legs shake.

He moved towards the bed practically dragging you behind him. You tried to dig your heels in to make his movements slower but your legs just didn't have the strength. The inevitable was going to happen whether you wanted it to or not. He stopped you at the foot of the bed.

“Allow me darlin’”

Hearing him call you that sent a small shiver down your spine. Which didn't go unnoticed. He winked as he grabbed the collar and ripped, with little effort, the dress open. You now stood with it hanging off your shoulders like an open coat and your underwear exposed. He turned you round slipping the dress from your shoulders and using the now ruined material to bind your hands together behind your back. He pushed you so you fell unceremoniously onto the bed. He produced a small scalpel which he used to cut your underwear away from your lightly trembling body. You hissed in pain as you felt the small blade leave little kisses on your skin.

“That's nothing” He said as he wiped the tiny trickle of blood on your chest. “Just wait till we really get going.”

He trailed his hands, from your hips, up your body towards your chest. He wasn't gentle in the way he grabbed your breasts. You bit down on your lip suppressing any sounds that threatened to escape. He looked at you knowingly and began to chuckle.

“Just let it out darlin’, you'll enjoy it even more if you just let it out” He pressed his hips into you. You could feel him getting hard as he latched onto your breast. Sucking and swirling his tongue round your hard nipple. You closed your eyes biting down on your lip again, tasting blood this time.

He plunged his finger into you again causing you to scream out at the harshness, Yet within moments you were bucking your hips into his hand and raising your chest. You were on the brink and you were desperate for release. His mouth released your swollen nipple with a small pop as he moved onto your neck. Biting and sucking. You could feel his hot breath against your ear.

“You want me to fuck you? You want me to fuck you hard don't you?”

You whimpered as you nodded your head. He could feel you tighten around his finger and withdrew it before you could cum. You groaned in frustration, eliciting a dark chuckle from him. He gave you a brief moment before he returned to finger fucking you.

“Tell me. How long have you and the other me been fucking?”

“We aren't” You panted.

“But you want to be.” He curled his finger and added another drawing a low moan from you.

“Awww. You started without me”

Your eyes shot open when you heard his voice.

“Fuck off Jim.” He practically growled not stopping his attack on your neck. While his hand continued to draw moans from you

“That's no way to talk to your commanding officer Bones” Jim stated as he walked round the side of the bed so he could see you.

You couldn't take your eyes of Jim, he looked just like your Jim, but he wasn't. He wasn't clean shaven and his hair was all over the place. His eyes were just as blue, but there was something behind them. Something cold and dark.

“I said Fuck off. I haven't had chance to break her in yet” Bones turned his head to look at him.

“Well don't let me stop you” He chuckled as he sat down on the bed near your head and began stroking your hair.

“What?” You breathed out looking between them both

Bones bit down hard on your neck. “I told you no talking.”

You nodded fighting back tears. Was he really going to force you with him watching?

He turned back to look at Jim, slowing his fingers inside you down. “You're not going to leave are you?” Jim shook his head. He turned back to you. His lips just above yours, his voice barely a whisper, “I was hoping our first time would be more intimate.”

You realised the only way to survive this was to be compliant. To do as he asked. You allowed your tears to flow as you resigned yourself to that thought and kissed him back.

Bones stood at the foot of the bed smirking at Jim as they watched you come down from your orgasm. Jim staring at the rise and fall of your bare chest.

“She makes pretty sounds.” Jim cooed as he continued to stroke your hair. “I want to hear more”

“Alright, but let's get something straight first. She's mine. And in here I'm in charge.” He narrowed his eyes directing that statement towards Jim. “I'll decide who is gonna fuck who, how and when. Got it?” You nodded weakly.

“You ain't fucking anyone right now Jim. You can watch while I ruin this tight little pussy”

Bones laughed giving Jim a knowing look, you opened your eyes to try and look at him. “Out of curiosity how many sexual partners you had darlin’?”

You didn't answer and Jim slapped your cheek. “Answer the man sweetheart”

You took a deep breath having regained a somewhat normal heart rate. “None”

Jim snapped his head up to Bones who looked like a kid on Christmas.

“You're a virgin? Bones you lucky son of a bitch” Jim grinned. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Contains swearing, sexual acts, dubious consent

“Well this just became a lot more fun” 

This is not how you imagined losing your virginity would be. You had almost felt foolish in your ‘perfect moment/only happens in the movies’ fantasy. You meet a man, you fall in love, you make love for the first time in a ridiculously cheesy yet perfectly cliched moment, you live a long and happy life and all is right in the world. But not this time, no, this time you had been, for all intent and purposes, kidnapped by some evil mirror image version of the man you had fallen completely head over heels in love with, and who was about to rip your innocence away from you. Not to mention the equally as twisted mirror version of your captain and friend was going to watch. You screwed your eyes closed as you quietly sobbed. You daren't make a sound for fear of what they might do.

You felt movement behind you before you felt arms pulling you up. Jim had adjusted his position so he was now sitting with his back against the headboard and his legs either side of you. You were positioned between his legs with your arms now untied and Jim holding your wrists. You looked up him. His usually warm and sparkling blue eyes looked dead. There was no emotion, that you could see behind them. He leaned forward giving himself access to your breasts. You tried to suppress a moan as he, not as roughly as Bones, played with your nipples and squeezed your breasts.

“You're in good hands. Bones won't hurt you. Too much.”

You moved your head slightly and saw Bones undressing at the foot of bed. You felt ashamed to admit it to yourself, but he had a good body. He was toned and broad, just how you had imagined your Leonard would look, but his skin was covered in scars. He grabbed your ankles and pulled you forward so the back of your knees were hanging over the edge of the bed. He leaned over you, his chest touching yours as he whispered in your ear.

“I'll be gentle. I promise” He smirked as he bit at your earlobe.

You heard Jim chuckle in the background as Bones reached for the small scalpel lying next to you. You hissed in pain as he drew a light line down your body. He wasn't cutting into you, but he was applying enough pressure so you could feel the sting and a light trickle of blood. Once he was more than halfway down your body you didn't feel the pain anymore, you felt something that worried you instead.

You felt almost excited. You were starting to like the feeling and you involuntarily moaned. You heard them both chuckle and felt your knees being pushed apart as Jim grabbed at your wrists and Bones knelt between your open legs.

You arched your back at the never felt before feeling of his tongue on your already starting to ache pussy. You could feel him smile against you as he carried out his assault.

Jim leaned down to whisper. “I want to fuck that pretty mouth of yours so open wide”

~~

“Scotty, Spock. Are we any closer to recreating that storm?”

“Aye Captain. We're getting there”

“Dammit man! Are you there or not?”

“Bones!” Jim turned giving him a warning look before turning back to Scotty. “Just a quick as can please.”

Jim pushed Leonard into the corridor. “They are doing their best. We have to have faith that they'll get it done. I'm just as worried as you. I want her back as much as you.”

“You don't love her like I do.”

~~

Your eyes squeezed shut as tears seeped through. The sharp sting of Jim's hand fisting tightly in your hair as he slid his cock in and out your mouth, mixed with the feeling of Bones’ tongue on your most intimate area was sending your senses into overdrive.

You moaned and groaned around Jim's thick cock as you were brought closer and closer  and closer to pleasure. You sucked harder on Jim, crying out as your orgasm erupted quickly followed by Jim squirting his load down the back of your throat.

He collapsed behind you as Bones stood grabbing your legs behind the knee to bring them around his waist as he plunged into you without warning causing you to scream out and this only seemed to encourage him. He gave no mercy as his thrusts increased in pace and power. The room was filled with swearing and pants and skin slapping against skin.

“So fucking tight.” He pounded into you relentlessly. Bruises already forming from where his fingers were digging into you. The pain from his grip on you and stinging you felt from his cock taking your virginity and stretching you all combined into one and you no longer felt like you were in your body.

“Ooh fuucccckkkk!” You breathed out as you felt the tightening low in your stomach.

“Fuck. That's it. Squeeze my cock. Make me fucking come inside you”

You clawed at the sheets as your orgasm took hold. Bones leaned forward, practically bending you in half as he bit down hard on your neck as his cock emptied inside you.

Everything felt like it stopped for a moment. All you could hear was yours and Bones’ breathing. You couldn't move. You didn't want to move.

Bones eventually lifted off of you and grinned down at you. The grin sending a shiver down your spine, it was like a predator smiling at it's prey before they killed it. He picked up your discarded and completely ruined uniform and wiped himself clean, before throwing it to Jim who repeated the action.

Bones walked over to the bourbon bottle still sitting on the table. He took a long drink straight from the bottle before walking back over to the bed. You hadn't moved. You'd be too scared and you were sore. Jim had moved closer to you and lifted you so you were sitting up with your bare back against his chest. You stared ahead not taking your eyes if Bones. He rubbed your shoulders and kissed your neck in between whisper in your ear.

“You did so well. I think we'll keep you around. You're the perfect little fuck toy. So willing. So compliant. I wonder if Bones would be willing to share.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut. Porn. Swearing. Dubious consent

After a briefly heated debate, Jim left Bones’ quarters pouting. Bones, who had at least put boxers on at this point, sat on the couch next to his table. You were still sitting on the edge of the bed. He gestured for you to come over. You stood to walk over when he stopped you.

“Tut tut. On your hands and knees.” His voice was deeper than before and it seemed to have a lustful affect on you.

You did as you were told and crawled along the floor towards him until you were between his legs. You kneeled up leaning back on your heels looking at him. You looked at his lips as he sipped at the bourbon subconsciously licking your own. He smirked as he leaned forward pressing his glass to your lips, he grabbed some of your hair and pulled your head back allowing you to swallow some of the amber liquid. A small amount trickled out of the side of your mouth, he leaned in even closer and licked it away. You closed your eyes letting out a breathy moan.

He chuckled as he leaned back setting his glass down. His hand was still in your hair as he pulled you to your feet as he stood up before forcibly pushing you down onto the table. He leaned over you letting his hard cock press against your naked ass.

“Tell me. Do you ever think of your McCoy making you his? Marking you as his. I bet you make yourself come every night fantasising about how his cock feels inside you. That's who you were thinking about wasn't it?”

When you didn't answer he brought his hand down hard and sharp on your bare skin causing you to yell out.

“Was it him you were thinking about while you were getting face fucked by the man who looks just like your Captain? Was it him you were thinking about while I dined out on that sweet, virgin pussy?”

Again, his hand came down on your skin.

“Just remember that while you're on this ship you are mine.” He ran his hands down your back stopping to grip your hips as he pressed into. “You belong to me and you will do whatever I say.”

He smacked you ass one last time before kicking your feet apart, and running his thick cock over your wet folds before he pushed himself, without warning, balls deep into you and began fucking you. You gripped the table, your knuckles turning white. He grabbed your hair and pulled you upright bringing one hand up and round your throat applying the right amount of pleasure while his other hand came to your front where he rubbed viciously on your clit. You could feel yourself starting to black out and you began to claw at his hand resulting in him squeezing tighter. You felt your orgasm build and as it took over you felt him release inside you and you blacked out.

He carried you to the bed, leaving you covered by a thin sheet. He just pulled his boxers back on while he finished the bourbon lying out on the table. He stood at the side of the bed watching you. He watched your newly scarred chest gently rise and fall. He wondered to himself how long he would have you for, he knew your Captain and crew would be working on getting you back, and that was a fight he would look forward to. Since there was no way of knowing how long you would be here for he decided to make the most of it and have some fun.

~~

“If we get her back we don't know what state she will be in. How do we even know she will want to come back?”

“You mean when we get her back. Not if. When.”

“Spock’s right Bones. We have to prepare for all possibilities”

“I'm not going to stand here and listen to this.”

As soon as he made it to his quarters he broke down. He was angry at himself for not telling you how he felt. He knew you were in love with him but he was scared and just couldn't tell you. He had hoped that all the small gestures he made towards you had been an indication of his feelings.

He felt guilty for not putting up more of a fight on the bridge to keep you with him.

He felt a wave of nausea crash over him at the thought of what could be happening to you and he began to silently pray to whoever could be listening that you were still alive and would come back to him soon. 

~~

Bones sat back down at his table spinning the scalpel round while he thought about what he could do next. You had become very compliant which opened a lot of doors.

You woke to the feeling of pressure round your throat. You sat up with a start, frantically feeling at the unfamiliar object round your neck. You looked up to see Bones walking towards you smirking that smirk that on one hand made your stomach turn and on the other made your panties wet.

“You put a fucking collar on me?”

You received a backhand straight to the face for the comment. “I told you you belong to me”

There was a small chain attached to the collar which Bones pulled on to make you stand up. He wrapped it round his hand pulling you closer. “It looks good on you.” He commented swiping a small trickle of blood from your mouth.

You allowed a small smile to grace your lips as you pressed your body closer. You felt his cock twitch against you thigh. “It feels good too sir.”


	5. Chapter 5

You pressed your lips to his as one hand grabbed the hair at the back of his head pulling slightly bringing forth a deep groan from him as he smirked into the kiss.

Before he could get you on the bed the lights in the room changed. You were both bathed in a slowly flashing dark red glow. 

“Godfuckingdammit” he growled as he pushed you into the bed and retrieved his uniform. You stayed in place watching his every move. He grabbed the chain attached to your collar and pulled you harshly towards his closet, he pushed you inside and tied the chain to the rail. You opened your mouth to speak but he cut you off. “Just stay fucking quiet and I'll be back soon.” He kissed you hard before closing the door.

You couldn't see anything but a red pulsing light and you couldn't hear anything either. You began to shake due to fear and also due to the fact you were still naked. You felt around in the dark closet for something you could use to cover yourself, but your movements were reduced by the way he had wrapped the chain round the rail. You began fumbling with the collar trying to unfasten it. You could feel panic start to rise and tears begin to form. You froze at the sound of a voice yelling from inside the room.

“Y/N! Y/N are you in here?”

You felt a rush of relief wash over you as you called out. “Leonard! Leonard in the closet”

The doors flew open and you finally saw the face going at been longing to see. You momentarily forgot about your current of undress as you looked into those two beautiful dark eyes.

“My god man. What has he done?” Leonard was stunned for a moment as he took in your predicament before making use of his legendary hands to free you from your restraint. As soon as you were free he pulled his shirt off and pulled it over your naked torso before pulling some sweatpants from a nearby drawer.

He grabbed your hand as he called out on his comm that he was ready to beam up. As you both waited the other McCoy rushed into the room. Leonard pulled you close as you saw the glimmering surround you. You heard a scream and felt a white heat as your surroundings changed.

Your whole body sagged against Leonard as you materialised on the Enterprise. He scooped you up and moved as fast as he could to Medbay.

You opened your eyes cautiously. You could hear faint beeping and hushed voices.

“I fixed the physical injuries but I'm more worried about any mental trauma she may suffer.”

“So what do you suggest?”

“Counselling perhaps. When she's ready.”

“You know I'm going to need to talk to her soon. I need to know what happened?”

“So do I, but only when she's ready. I'm not rushing her into anything”

“Ok report to me later. She's home at least.”

The curtain around you slowly opened. You turned to see Leonard looking at you. You felt tears sting at your eyes. You stared at him taking in every little detail before you allowed the tears to flow. It was your Leonard. You were back on the Enterprise.

“Hey” his usual gruff demeanour softened. “How you feeling?”

You swallowed hard quickly turning your gaze from him as you remembered everything that happened. You fixed your eyes to the ceiling.

“I'm ok. A little sore in my shoulder, but I'm ok. Thank you”

You could feel him standing next to you as he ran his tricorder over you. “I'd be surprised if you weren't sore. You um...you were shot just as we beamed up”

Your head snapped to meet his eyes “Are you ok?”

He gave you a soft chuckle “I'm fine sweetheart. Just happy we got you back.” He updated your details into his PADD before giving you his full attention.

His voice was quieter as he spoke. “Jim wants to talk to you. He wants full details of what happened. I've told him he's going to have to wait until you're ready. Is there anything you want to talk to me about?”

You shook your head as you fought back more tears. You asked in a shaky voice to be discharged to your quarters and you were allowed to leave later that day. 

You dimmed the lights and stripped off allowing yourself to see your full reflection. You traced your fingers along the path he has taken with the scalpel, there was no trace of it.Leonard had removed every little trace of your time with his evil doppelganger, every physical trace that was. You still had the memories.

You dressed into your standard issue Starfleet nightwear and slipped into your bed. Sleep did not come easy, if at all. Every time you closed your eyes you saw him, saw the way he looked at you, you felt the way he touched you and even though it wasn't always gentle you found yourself missing it.

You tried to get back into the routine of work, but something just didn't feel right. It was commented the you seemed more withdrawn. Jim and Leonard had both tried to talk to you, together and on separate occasions but you couldn't bring yourself to talk to them. You were sleeping less because you saw him every night. And then there were the whispers and the looks around the ship. You were sinking faster and faster into a deep depression and you struggled to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You grabbed your PADD and through tears typed out your message.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of suicide, swearing,

“Bones report to my quarters at once”

Leonard grumbled about just getting comfortable but got up and made his way to Jim's quarters.

Jim thrust the PADD into his hands “Read it”

Bones read the message from y/n, taking a seat as he read it for a second time.

He looked up at Jim once he finished. “She can't mean this. Jim you can't accept this.”

“Try and figure out a way for me not to because right now I don't really have a choice”

Bones read it again as Jim paced the room.

“Jim? Where is y/n right now?”

“She should be in her quarters why?”

“This isn't just a resignation letter”

Realisation dawned on Jim and the pair of them rushed to your quarters.

You closed your eyes as you allowed the medications to enter your system and your own life force to flow from you. As you felt everything within slow down you whispered to your room “I love you Leonard. I'm sorry”

The door to your quarters opened as you slumped to side. You were only just aware of voices and hands touching you, but only just.

“No no no no. Sweetheart please. Oh shit. Jim help me. Stay with me darlin, please stay with me. I need you. Please.”

~~

_ “You're mine to do with as I please. Piss me off and I will hurt you. Do as you're told and we'll get along just fine.” _

_ “Tell me. Do you ever think of your McCoy making you his? Marking you as his. I bet you make yourself come every night fantasising about how his cock feels inside you. That's who you were thinking about wasn't it?” _

_ “Was it him you were thinking about while you were getting face fucked by the man who looks just like your Captain? Was it him you were thinking about while I dined out on that sweet, virgin pussy?” _

~~

You woke with a start clawing once again at your neck. Your eyes stinging with tears.

“Hey hey easy now darlin. You're in the Medbay. It's ok. Just breathe, that's it sweetheart just breathe.”

You focused on the voice and the smooth circles being rubbed on your back. You turned your head and saw Leonard's concerned eyes which only caused to cry more. You grabbed his arm using it as your anchor causing him to sit on the bed as you grabbed fistfuls of his shirt burying your head into his chest. He stayed with you until you cried yourself dry.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry” was all you could say.

“You have nothing at all to be sorry for. But I think we really need to talk”

You knew you couldn't put it off any longer. You had been keeping it bottled up for too long and it caused you to attempt to end your own life. You knew it wasn't going to be easy, but you had to do it, for your own sanity at least.

You nodded “Not here”

Leonard stood, gave you a final check over with his tricorder and helped you from the biobed and lead you slowly to his quarters. Once he had you settled and you convinced him you were fine, he sent a message for Jim to join you both.

“Is there anything you want to say before Jim gets here?”

“No sir. It would be best for you both to hear it and I really don't want to repeat it”

“Please don't call me sir. Leonard or Len will be fine ok?” He gave you a soft smile. “Would you like something to drink?”

“Would a scotch be allowed?”

Leonard smirk as he stood. He returned with a bottle and three glasses “As your doctor I should say no, but as your friend I think you need one.”

Jim arrived a few minutes later. He made some friendly and general small talk before approaching the subject.

“Y/N. We're not here in an officially capacity.  We're here as your friends, not your superior officer or Captain. We both care about you and your wellbeing. I just want to make that clear.”

Leonard nodded as Jim spoke “Whatever is said here in this room will not be recorded or repeated anywhere. You're safe here y/n”

You nodded at their words and finished your drink in one go. You waited for the burn to subside before you started. You told them how he pinned you against the wall and touched you. How he cut you with a scalpel. You swallowed hard before telling them about Kirk’s doppelganger and the things he said and did to you. You couldn't look your Captain in the eye as you told him. You began to feel ashamed and you allowed your tears to flow. Jim and Leonard didn't interrupt you. They let you talk freely trying to contain their emotions until you had finished. But you could feel the anger radiating from them, especially from Leonard.

“Evil you kept asking if we were a couple. He wanted to know what sort of things you did to me” You risked looking up at Leonard. His hands were balled into fists on the table, but as soon as you caught his eye he released them. He couldn't keep eye contact with you and this hurt.

“That's when he realised I'd never been with anyone.”

Jim appeared confused for a brief moment “You mean you'd never had sex before. Ever?”

You nodded and carried on telling your story. “And that's how you found me in the closet.”

You reached with a shaky hand for your glass which had been topped up a couple of times as you talked. The silence within the room felt heavy. Leonard held his bowed head in his hands. Jim rubbed a hand over his face before he spoke. His voice unusually shaky.

“Thank you. Thank you for sharing that with us. I can understand that it wasn't easy.” He leaned forward reaching a hand out to you. You hesitated for a moment before taking it.

You squeezed his hand as you spoke, Jim letting you control the situation. “I know it wasn't you. Wasn't either of you I know that. And I have absolutely no bad feelings towards either of you. I...I am so sorry for any upset or distress I have caused throughout this.”

“You have absolutely nothing at all to be sorry for. I'm sorry I didn't put up more of a fight on the bridge. I'm sorry it took us so long to get to you and I am so so sorry you had to go through this.”

“Thank you Jim.” You stood still holding his hand “If you'll excuse me for a moment.”

You entered the bathroom where you splashed cold water over your face and took a moment to gather your thoughts.

“Bones? You're being unusually quiet about all this”

“What do you want me to say Jim? Turns out a guy with my face pretty much raped her. A guy who looks like me cut her with a scalpel for pleasure, forced her into sex and put a collar on her. A fucking collar Jim. Oh and not to mention left her in a closet, naked and chained up.”

“It wasn't you” Jim was attempting to contain his anger as he approached his friend.

“But he looked just like me. How can I be around her knowing that every single time she looks at me she'll see him.”

“She knows it wasn't you.”

“I don't think I can do this Jim?” Leonard's voice becoming a little strained.

“Can't do what? Be there for her? Help her? This isn't about you.”

“Dammit man I know that.” He sat back down feeling defeated “How can I help her thinking she'll see him every time I'm with her? I know it wasn't me, but from what she said he looked like me, sounded like me, damn near everything about him was me. How can I help her heal when I feel so full of guilt about what happened. I should have stopped him from taking her. I should have put up more of a fight and that is going to stay with me for a long time. Every time I look at her now I'm going to see the hurt that's been caused by, for all intent and purposes, me. So you tell me Jim how I can help her?”

Jim came and sat beside his friend and handed him a small handwritten note. “You can help her because you love her.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that this fic alludes to non consensual sexual activities.

You eventually came out of the bathroom. You saw Leonard sitting there, but no Jim. You guessed he had gone as it must have been late, even though you had no idea what the time was. Your stomach growling made Leonard look up from what he was reading. He swiped a hand across his cheek and stood to meet you halfway.

“I should probably go. You look tired”

“I'd be happy for you to stay. I can get you something to eat. But only if you want to.”

“I'd like that. Only if you're sure.”

He nodded and gestured for you to sit while he prepared something simple to eat.

He watched you as you picked at bits of food and sipped at your drink. The amount of times he had thought about this, you sitting with him in his quarters sharing a drink and enjoying each other's company which may or may not have involved enjoying each other in an intimate nature. But now, now he had to get rid of those thoughts. Jim was right, he loved you and he would help you in any way he could.

“How you feeling?” His voice was soft as he looked at you with concern.

You placed your glass down as you looked at him. You took your time to look at him. To take him how different his features were. How different he was.

“I know. I know in my head and my heart that it wasn't you. I am able to differentiate you both. I know you would never do the things he did Leonard.” You leaned forward so you could cover his hand with yours. “I trust you”

You could have sworn his eyes misted over as he turned his hand so he could hold yours. He rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb as he spoke. “I will do whatever I can to help you through this. Whatever you need you just have to ask.”

You stood, placing a soft and very gentle kiss on Leonard's head. “I'll leave you to get some rest.”

You were awoken with a ship wide message from the Captain advising that the Enterprise would be docking at Yorktown in 12 hrs to undergo some repairs and everyone was granted shore leave. Your heart bubbled with this news. After everything that had happened you were feeling somewhat desperate to get off the ship. To walk around in the fresh, albeit artificial, air, perhaps indulging in some retail therapy. You got yourself ready for the day and excitedly packed a bag.

The day unfortunately dragged as you knew it would. It wasn't until you were all assembled waiting to disembark that you saw Leonard and Jim. They looked deep in conversation and you were sure they hadn't seen you until you caught Leonard's eye and his face seemed to light up.

You walked en masse to your accommodation. You couldn't contain your excitement when you saw your room. A king size bed, clawfoot bath tub and shower that looked like it could fit six people. You threw yourself on the bed releasing a long contented sigh as you snuggled into the soft covers.

You were about to close your eyes when your com started beeping obnoxiously.

“y/l/n here”

“Jim here. Just wondering if you're going to join us for drinks downstairs.”

“Maybe later.”

You weren't feeling up to fully socialising yet. You were still trying to sort things out in your own head. Having told Jim and Leonard everything you had felt like a weight had been lifted, but there was something still lingering, something you couldn't quite put your finger on.

You decided to call room service and order a couple of bottles of wine and make use of the beautiful bathtub.

You sipped at the smooth spiced liquid as you let the warmth of the water ease your aches and hopefully your troubled mind.

As you closed your eyes you saw his face, but you didn't feel scared this time. You could hear his voice.

_“You are mine. You will do as I say.”_

Was it those words that were staying with you? Was it the desire to hear your Leonard  same them to you? Was the truth that you actually liked what he did to you? All these questions that you struggled to answer ran round and round your head. How could you answer them? You couldn't exactly go up to Leonard and ask him ‘excuse me Dr McCoy but I need your help with something. I need to know if I enjoy being dominated. So could you kindly tie me up and fuck me.’

You laughed out loud at the absurdity of it as the question came into your head. You could also see Leonard's face reacting but his face quickly turned into the evil version and you found your mind telling you you wanted him. You wanted to feel him inside you again. Your own hand trailed down your body as you recalled the way he spoke, how his hands felt on your body and how he simply fucked you. There was no love or romance or tenderness you plain, unadulterated fucking. You came hard around your own fingers moaning out Leonard's name.

You sat on the bed, resting against the headboard, in the room provided dressing gown, finishing off another glass of wine as you watched some old movie with your PADD lying next you. Maybe it was thanks to the alcohol in your system but you found yourself searching ‘dominated’ on your PADD. You found out there were clubs that provided such a service, for want of a better word. You checked the time deciding it was too late now, but you noted the address of one to visit tomorrow. Starting to feel a chill you opened your bag to retrieve your pjs when there was a knock at the door. You smiled and opened the door fully to Leonard.

“I was just turning in for the night and I thought I'd check in on you. See how you're doing?”

“I'm fine thank you Leonard. I appreciate the concern.”

You both stood looking at each other. You took in his clothes. Completely different from his uniform. Light coloured jeans, grey Henley unbuttoned perfectly to reveal some chest all topped off with a leather jacket and his hair, it was more fluffy looking and you wanted to run your fingers through it. He looked more relaxed and dare you say it, happy.

Leonard took in your own appearance. A simple white dressing gown which was slightly open at your chest and not as tightly tied at the waist as it should be. He found himself wondering if you were indeed naked underneath and how if the situation where different he would have that dressing gown on the floor and be worshipping your naked body.

“I should go. Let you get some rest. I just wanted to check up on you.”

You had the urge to make him stay. You didn't want him to leave. There was something about his presence in the room that made you feel grounded and calm.

“Would you like to join me in a drink?”

He nodded as you poured two glasses finishing the wine off and then gestured that you would just change. While you were in the bathroom he noticed the PADD on the bed along with a notepad. He noticed what you had been looking at and took a mental note of the address you had noted down. He wasn't going to ask you about it especially not right now.

You emerged from the bathroom in standard issue nightwear and gestured for him to sit at the small table.

“How was your night?”

“Oh fine. You know what it's like on the first night of shore leave. Too much excitement and adrenaline. I left them when Sulu suggested a karaoke bar. For all we know they convinced Jim to get up and belt out a show tune.”

“Shame I missed it. That would have been a sight”

“They were asking after you. I think they miss you”

“Next time”

You sat in a comfortable silence finishing off your drinks. Until you stifled a yawn.

“I think you need some sleep” Leonard's tone was light as he stood to leave. “There's this little cafe place just down the street. I'll be getting something for breakfast tomorrow if you'd like to join me?”

“I'd love to.”

Leonard slipped into his room, which just happened to be next to yours, he turned on the small bedside lamp as he removed his coat and throwing it onto a nearby chair. He toed his boots off as he grabbed his PADD and settled on the bed resting against the headrest. He typed in the details of the place you had written down. His eyebrows nearly flew off his head at what he saw. He poured himself another drink before he look into this place more.

What he saw intrigued him. He wanted to know why someone would be interested in such a thing, what they would get from it besides the obvious pleasure. As he looked through the information he found himself asking more questions. He decided that if you were going to visit this place he would go with you.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of panic attacks

You awoke from the first seemingly peaceful night's sleep in weeks. You dressed in simple jeans and a top before leaving your room, as it happened at the same time as Leonard.

“Morning neighbour” you smiled as Leonard fell into time beside you.

“Morning sweetheart. How did you sleep?”

“Quite well thanks. You?”

“Very well. Those beds are a hell of a lot more comfortable than those on the Enterprise” Leonard faked his words as he wasn't going to tell you the truth that he hardly slept because his mind was working overtime regarding a certain club he looked up.

He led the way to the small cafe he told you about. You were pleasantly surprised and the food was delicious. You sat sharing small talk while you both finished your second cups of coffee.

“And when he beamed up, of course his shirt was torn.”

“He does have a convenient habit of ripping his shirts”

You both laughed as you drained the cup in front of you. Leonard insisting on paying and accompanied you outside.

“What do you have planned for the rest of the day?” he queried.

“Not much if I'm being honest. I thought about taking a walk through the park then maybe a little shopping.  What about you?”

“Enjoying not being on a goddamn spaceship for a few days!”

You giggled having not expected that answer. You had enjoyed your morning spent with Leonard, the only problem was that your feelings for him were stronger than ever. You still didn't know if he felt the same or not, but since the night you told him and Jim everything there had been a subtle shift in your relationships.

You smiled up at him “If you've nothing planned you're more than welcome to join me. Though I don't know how much you'd enjoy the shopping part”

You took a breath realising you had started to ramble. Leonard attempted to hide a small smile.

“Well, I don't particularly like shopping, but I do like the company” he held his arm out towards you in an old fashioned gentlemanly way for you to take, which you did, as you walked towards the park.

Neither of you talked much as you walked, you were happy enough just being in each other's company.  It was only when you reached the peacefulness of the park did Leonard break his silence.

“I know I seem to be asking you this a lot lately, but how are feeling?”

“I think I'm ok. I mean I have a lot going on up here” you tapped at the side of your head “but physically at least I think I'm doing ok”

“You know you can talk to me about anything right? It doesn't have to be about what happened, it could be about...well...it could be about anything”

You smiled as you tapped his arm with your other hand “Thank you Leonard, I appreciate that.”

In your head your voice was screaming _“I want to tell you so much. I want to tell you how much I love you. I want to tell you how scared I am of the thoughts and feelings I've been having. I want to tell you that I want you in the most primal way. But I'm too damaged and you deserve so much better.”_

You did exchange some small talk and indulged each other in some ship wide gossip as you continued your walk through the park and towards the shopping district. That was when you felt things get a little awkward. Thankfully the beeping of Leonard's comm dispelled the onset of awkwardness.

He made his apologies as he placed a small, quick and unexpected kiss on your cheek before walking off.  You entered the store you had been heading to feeling a little giddy from the kiss.

You stood just in the doorway feeling somewhat overwhelmed. You slowly moved through the displays of the beautiful lingerie suddenly wondering why you had decided this would be a good idea. You picked up a few pieces and made your way to the back of the store to the fitting rooms.

You stood looking at the first choice, quite pleased with the colour of it against your skin and the shape it gave your breasts. You had dressed back into your clothes and were making your purchase when the first wave hit you. A familiar sounding voice, from somewhere nearby made a simple comment and you felt the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

“Looks good on you”

‘ _It can't be’_ you thought as you looked round before making a beeline for the door. You froze when you caught movement to your side. A cold shiver ran through you. When you looked up you could have sworn it was him. ‘ _It's not possible’_ you told yourself as you willed your legs to move. The beating of your heart became more noticeable as the sound of his voice began to sound in your head.

You could feel your heart pounding in your chest as you moved swiftly through the lobby. You felt warm, clammy, everything seemed too loud. You practically ran to the lifts. As soon as you reached your room you fell to your knees behind the closed door. You clawed at the floor as your tried to catch your breath. You heartbeat hammering loudly in your ears.

You felt a hand on your back and you screamed as you moved out of its reach.

“Hey hey hey. It's just me. It's Jim. I'm not going to hurt you. Just look at me. Just look at me”

“Jim?” your vision clouded with tears.

“Yeah sweetheart. It's me” Jim smiled softly as he stroked your cheek

Your tears flowed freely as you grabbed at his shirt burrowing your face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, adjusting his position slightly so you were in his lap. He gently rubbed your back and whispered soft words of encouragement as you cried yourself dry in his arms.

You tentatively lifted your head to look at him, scared of any judgment or pity. Your eyes sore, red and puffy slowly locked onto the soft, warm yet concerned eyes of Jim.

“I'm sorry. I'm so.”

Jim cut you off “Shussh now.” He pulled you into him as he stroked your hair “You have no reason to be sorry.”

You pulled yourself away from Jim's comforting warmth to sit next to him on your floor.

“You want to talk about it?” he asked softly

Your eyes were fixed to the spot in front of you as you let it sink in that you were just sitting in your Captain's lap, crying. You slowly shook your head.

“You want me to get Bones?”

“No!” You replied louder than necessary. Jim flinched slightly “I mean. No. No thank you.” You stood and Jim mirrored your actions. Jim moved a little closer and gently placed his hands on your shoulders, rubbing them slightly.

“Why don't you wash those tears away and I'll fix us a drink.”

You let out a shaky breath as you nodded before moving towards the bathroom. You took your time splashing the welcoming cold water on your face. Jim placed two glasses down on the small table filling them both with a generous shot of scotch. As he waited for you to come out of the bathroom his eyes found your PADD. He lifted it with the intention to message Bones to let him know what had happened, but he was soon distracted by the information on the screen.

You stopped in the doorway when you saw Jim holding your PADD. He knew you were there, but didn't lift his eyes from the screen.

“Are you seriously thinking of going here?”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reader suffers a panic attack and Jim is on hand to help

You walked over to where Jim was standing and took your PADD from his hands, placing it down on the small table. You lifted one of the glasses and drank the contents straight down.

Jim's watched you with concern as you refilled the glass and took at seat at the table. He sat down opposite you.

“Talk to me y/n” his voice was soft

You let out, what could be described as a mix between crying and laughter as you shook your head looking down at the table. 

“What's going on in that head of yours huh?” Jim kept his voice soft and light.

“That's such a loaded question” 

Jim gave a little laugh and watched as your shoulders relaxed a little. 

“Ok. Why don't you tell me what happened earlier. What do you think caused you to panic?”

You took a deep breath “I thought I heard him. Then I thought I saw him and a panicked”

“Him as in evil Bones?” you nodded in replied.

“You wanna tell me about this?” he asked as he tilted your PADD towards you. 

You felt your face heat under his eyes. How could you explain this one to the Captain.

As if he could sense your feelings he began to answer for you. 

“I'm guessing you want to answer some of the questions that are keeping you awake at night.”

You looked up in surprise. “You're not just a pretty face”

“Aaawww you think I'm pretty” he laughed. He knew he had to keep the tone light to get you to talk to him. 

You smiled along with him hoping you wouldn't have to talk, but you also knew that Jim wasn't going to drop it unless you told him specifically so. Maybe talking about it with someone would help. 

“You're right. I. Umm. I am looking for answers.” You turned your head a little to look at him. “I...I...shit how do I even start this?”

“Just start at the beginning. Take your time.” He looked at you with a soft smile.

“So ummm. Permission to speak freely?” kirk nodded “I. Umm. I guess I want to know if i umm. genuinely liked what happened. That sounds wrong. I mean. Fuck. What do I mean? I'm just so confused and conflicted with everything.” Your voice began to strain as you spoke. 

Jim leaned forward and placed his hand on your shoulder and began to rub gently. You flinched unexpectedly under his touch. The small action surprising you both. Jim withdrew his hand and began to apologise. You stopped him.

“What is wrong with me?” Your eyes almost pleading with him for answers.

“Absolutely nothing”

You buried your head in your hands allowing the weight to drop your head to the table. Jim picked up you PADD once again and began looking at the pictures of the club. 

“You're curious. I get that. From looking at these pictures too, I am myself.”

You lifted your head back up to see him looking at the images with such concentration. He took a large drink before he turned to face you.

“From what you've told me, about how you were treated, I think you want to find out if you enjoyed, for want of a better word, they way you were treated. I'm not explaining this very well am I?”

“I think you are.” You gulped at your drink letting it burn. “Ok. Let's try and simplify this. Ok. Did I enjoy, for want of a better word, the way in which we had sex. Did I “enjoy” the roughness, the way he dominated me. Or”

“Did you “enjoy” it because he looked and sounded like Bones?”

You looked away at Jim's words. A feeling of embarrassment and shame washing over you. 

“He can't ever know how I really feel.”

“Why?” Jim kept his voice neutral. It wasn't his place to tell you how much his best friend loved you.

“Because. Because he's a good, decent, man who doesn't need to have a fuck up like me chasing for his affections. He could have anyone he wanted on the ship. I could never live up to his expectations. I can only dream that a man like Leonard McCoy would cast a glance my way.”

Jim couldn't hide the smirk that was growing. Even the annoyed look you gave him couldn't stop the smile spreading. 

“I'm sorry. I'm not laughing at you or the situation. You're just. Well you're rambling and it's not making any sense. But I will say this. You. Are. Not. A. Fuck up.”

You felt tears prick at the corner of your eyes.

“You are one of the bravest people I know. After everything that's happened, you still have your sense of humour, you're being sensible and talking about it. You're not hiding anymore. You're facing your problems head on and I admire you for that. Y/N. I will help you in any way I can. You just have to ask. Please don't be embarrassed or scared to bring this up with me. I'm here for you. So much so that I'll go with you to that club tonight “


End file.
